Finding peace and something more
by mayy black
Summary: Left broken Bella is sent by Charlie, who doesn't know how to help her, to small town in Italy, Volterra. There she will meet her destiny and try to heal her wounds. Bella/Queens. PTSD, self loathing, mentions of rape ( if any of this is a trigger for you, please do not read)
1. Chapter 1

_AN: English is not my first language, and i don't own anything._

 _Please comment what you think_

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 _All i could see before me, was darkness but i could sense him, i knew he was coming and there was nothing i could do to stop him. Then i felt his hand on me, I knew what followed so I screamed ''No! No! Please don't touch me. I will do anything.''_

 _He started to laugh, knowing that no one will stop him, not even my mother, she never did, who is probably past out somewhere in the house._

 _I could see in his eyes anger because i was screaming, so he lifted his arm and slapped me on my cheek. I fell on the floor than i tried to escape but he stopped me, grabbed me by my hair and started to pull me away from the door and to his room. '' You asked for this'' he said whit a smile on his face, grabbing his belt and pulling it out..._

''NOO!'' i woke up screaming my lungs out, panic rising from my chest. I couldn't breath and remember where i was. All i could see was darkness and that didn't help my panic. Suddenly someone opened the door, turned on light in my room and started to approach me, so I screamed some more '' No, please don't touch me'' and started to back up on my bed, getting away from the touch.

''Bella, it is me Charlie, it's me, calm down'' my dad tried to calm me down saying '' i'm here, nobody will hurt you''. As i become aware where i was, and that there was no danger my panic started to slowly calm down, but then i started to sob and started to cry.

Charlie watched me with pity not knowing what to do to help me, he tried to rub my back but that only made things worse, i flinched to his touch '' don't touch me'' i said and started to backing up from him, not wanting his touch but most importantly i didn't want him to fell scars on my back. '' Ok i won't touch you, but Bella this can't continue, you have nightmare every night, i don't know what to do to help you. I cant help you if you wont tell me what happened to make you afraid like this. You don't let anybody even touch you! '' he said, i could see frustration in his eyes and i felt bad for doing this to him, but he couldn't help me, nobody could, my demons were real. Every time when i close my eyes i could see him, Phill, feel his touch on my skin and that reminded me how broken i really was.

''Please Bella, let me help you'' he continued talking, but as he didn't receive any answer he got up and said '' we will talk in the morning'' and left my room.

He couldn't find out what is wrong with me, nobody could know what he did to me. It all started when my mom, Rene remarried, up until then we were happy, we lived a simple life in Phoenix, she divorced my dad when i was small so it didn't bother me, i saw him on holidays and over summer. She met Phill, they started to date, and quickly married each other, but that was fine with me, he seemed like good guy, but turned out to be a real monster.

I couldn't escape him, up until that night... Quickly i got up from bed and entered my shower not wanting to remember all thing he did to me. I cried through the shower, knowing that i wouldn't sleep anymore. Rain started to fall, and it started to calm me a little so i went to sit by the window and watched as it falls.

Some time passed i heard Charlie get up, so i went downstairs to make us breakfast. He came down '' Bella, please sit, i need to talk to you. i can't do this anymore, i can't watch you like this, you won't even tell me why are you like this, you are leaving me no choice'' i listened to him, not knowing what will he do with me'' i'm sending you to Italy, i have a friend there, he will take you in, maybe there you will find piece you are looking for.''

''Charlie, I..'' ''No Bella, this is not negotiable'' I signed, well i didn't matter to me where i was, so i didn't fight him on this '' Ok, dad, i will go''. He smiled '' You will see, Volterra is beautiful little place, it will be better there.'' It didn't matter to me where i was going, i only wanted escape from everyone, be alone and find peace that i didn't have ever since Phill entered my life.''

'' Your flight is tomorrow from Seattle, Mario will wait you there.'' ''How do you know him?'' I asked him. '' We met when we were in high school, he came to America but returned to Italy after it was over, but we stayed friends.''

I went to my room and started to pack, i didn't have a lot of things so it didn't took me long. A least school wouldn't be a problem anymore, i finished it last month, deciding to not to go to collage right away. I went to pick up pictures from my wall, pictures with my friends, i used to be very social person, i had many friends how i left behind. I even changed my number since they didn't stop calling me, but i don't want them to see what i become, what he made me.

After i was finished i laid on my bad, knowing i will have another night full of nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own anything, if you have any suggestions PM me, or leave a comment

this story contains mentions of abuse, rape and PTSD, if that is someones trigger please do not read

this is my first story so please be gentle

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Charlie and I were driving to the airport in somewhat awkward silence, i knew he wanted to ask me many things but he knew that he wouldn't get any answer. '' Bella did you talk to your mother about your trip to Italy?'' I didn't expect that question '' No Charlie i didn't'' i said sharp not leaving room for another question. In fact i didn't talk to her since that night, altho she helped me, she let it get so far, because she was coward i can't stand idea of someones touch. '' What about your friends, did you talk to them..'' he received nothing but silence, so he sighed rocking his head. It didn't make a sense to him why i stopped seeing them, and why did i move to forks when i refused to do that all my life.

Pulling to the airport, he took my suitcase and walked me inside, he tried to hug me but i stepped back, i could see hurt in his eyes but there is nothing i could do to fix that, not until i fix myself and i don't know how to do that.

I said goodbye to him i got on airplane, luckily there wasn't many people on it so i could sit on my one. My best friend emily came to my mind, with sadness i wondered how is she, she never stopped looking for me. But i changed my phone, deleted facebook i told charlie not to talk to her, them. I knew that it would break her hart to see me like this, she would do anything to help me, be there for me, but i wouldn't ask that of her. Honestly she was my first crush, she was the one who helped me come to terms with my sexuality, we always had a deeper bond than with rest of gang, even dated for a short time but broke it up because altho i loved her i weren't in love with her. it was tough but we managed to stay friends, although i knew she was in love with me. it was better for her to continue her life without me. That was what i kept saying to myself.

I didn't want to fall asleep on the flight because i knew that i would have a nightmare and i was exhausted, i wish i had courage to ask someone for help, but my brain kept saying it wasn't safe. That i wasn't safe, fear of him getting back at me for what i did to him that night never left me. I couldn't tell the police, Rene wouldn't back me up, and he was friend with police since he was popular baseball player in Phoenix and i was so afraid that it took all of my courage to escape from that hell.

For rest of flight i put some music on so i could al least for a little time clear my mind and somehow relax. Then i heard flight attendant saying we are approaching Rome. Meaning i would have to go trough awkward meeting with Mario and honestly i wasn't ready for that but i had to do that. Before my flight Charlie made me promise i would al least try to get better.

I took my suitcase and went looking for Mario, it wasn't hard he was standing few meters before me with a sign "Bella" . I carefully approached his smiling form, he seemed like a nice guy, but i dont trust nobody any more, especially a man. "Ciao Bella!" he said extending his arm to greet me, i look at his arm and said "hi" but didn't touch him. He looked me with knowing look, like he was expecting this, well Charlie must have told him.

" Did you have a nice flight?" he asked, he didn't have a strong Italian accent. "Yes, thank you" i wanted to leave this crowded place, and be alone. He seemed to get it and started to lead me to his car. " We will be ridding for a couple of hours so make yourself comfortable, you will see Volterra is a beautiful place, full of history, even some scary stories" he said with a laugh" Charlie told me you like history". I just nodded at him not wanting to talk. He seemed to get the message so his just told me" when we settle in, i will tell you all about it".

A ride was surprisingly pleasant, there was a silence but it wasn't awkward, there were clouds but it was still beautiful. After a couple of hours there was a sign Volterra, " we are here" he said and i don't know why but i got this filling in my stomach that was telling me something is gonna happen. I could see a little, cozy town with a castle on the top. he saw me looking at it " its breath taking isn't it, there are many stories surrounding that castle, even few myths, they scare kids with stories about monsters in the castle." A side of me wanted to ask him questions about history, but i didn't want to talk.

Car took a turn and we came to the small house, that look like it came form some fairytale story, garden was simply magical. " Home sweet home" he said as he led me inside, your room is there, he pointed left, so I went to see, it was much bigger than my previous room. " You settle in, and i will make us a dinner and also i need to talk to you about something" i just nodded at him. A view from the window was great, a least i could look at something beautiful when i couldn't sleep. I laid on my bed and started to think, maybe this wasn't bad idea, maybe just maybe this place will help me somehow.

" Bella, dinner is ready" i went to the kitchen " come, sit, i need to talk to you". We started to eat in silence when he said " I didn't plan this, but my job came in the way, I need to leave tomorrow, there is something i need to do, i wont be gone long, two weeks top, im very sorry, Charlie told me not to leave you alone but there is nothing i can do", honestly it didn't bother me, i wanted to be alone " its ok, ill be fine" i said. " I will leave early tomorrow, i wont wake you up, i want you to have a nice stay here, and please explore this place, maybe you find something interesting."

That night i didn't dream of anything, which almost never happened, but i couldn't sleep for the most of the night. My mind didn't give a peace so i went to the window and looked at the stars. in the morning i heard Mario leaving, that means i was alone. For most of the day i didn't do anything, same as the next day. On the third day, after a night of crying and nightmares i decided to go explore a little, historian in me didn't give me peace.

" Who knows what will i find in the town" i said to myself.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own anything, there are mentions of rape, PTSD...( DO NOT READ IF THAT IS A TRIGGER FOR YOU)

If you have any questions or request PM me, and please leave comment

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Volterra was not what i expected, there were so many tourists, you could hear many languages spoken, people were looking at beautiful old houses. Old women were sitting in front of their houses watching as people were moving, occasionally saying something in Italian. I went on some trail far away from all of them, flowers were on the windows of the houses, few cats were sitting in the sun enjoying themselves. After what seemed like a half an hour I reached little viewpoint, from where you could see whole city, especially the castle, it simply amazed me. On that spot i came to little decision, i would give all that i can to get better, if only i knew how i where to start.

I felt buzz in my pocket, so reached for my phone and saw that i have a new message, Charlie sent me " How are you, i miss you Bella" , i sighed and typed " I'm ok". He texted me every second day, asking how i was, he didn't call me, knowing that there wouldn't be some conversation. I wanted to type something else, but i didn't have courage for that still, and i didn't want to give him hope. Although i could tell that this place is doing good thing to me, i didn't have panic attack since i came here.

I sat down on the grass and put my hands on the ground, thinking how my life changed, i could stand occasionally beatings from Phill when he got drunk, sometimes it was worst, like when he lost a match, at the end of those nights i would have new wounds on my back, but i had my friends, i had Emily so i didn't tell anything, praying that Rene will do something but she didn't not until that night when he stepped all boundaries... i rocked my head trying to change my thoughts, i could feel tears purring down my cheek. I looked to the sky and screamed "WHY!" its not that i was religious, not at all, but all rage in me wanted to come out, i wanted to let all out so i could start from the beginning. Why didn't i said something, why did i... but i knew answer, i was ashamed.

I sat there for a long time, in silence, thinking what to do, so i pulled my phone, typed Emilys phone, i knew it by heart, and watched it not knowing what to write, i slowly typed " Hi, its me", i didn't press send, i waited crying starting to feel my panic rising. I took deep breath and sent it, i knew i had to do that. i missed her to much she is my best friend. I didn't waited to long for reply, feeling my heart beating faster i read " Who is this?", following it " Bella is that you, baby?". As i saw that tears falling to the ground, she called me that, God how i missed her, so i typed "Yes" and shutted down my phone.

Deciding to return to the town and explore more, i wiped my tears and got up and headed back. Sun was still up, so i went towards the castle. As i approached it, i could feel my stomach starting to feel funny, i couldn't define that feeling. There was a group of people in front of it, i could tell that they were tourists, they were waiting for something so i decided to see what. i approached them, not to close, but i could see door open and a beautiful women came out, looked at all people and smiled with knowing smile and said with most seductive voice i ever heard " Please, come in, tour is about to start, you can pay at the end" and went inside, people followed. I stood there and didn't know what to do, i really wanted to see inside of castle but my stomach seemed to disagree. Slowly door started to close so i ran inside, it was dark inside but you could see how old it was, it was very well preserved. i went straight, couldn't see the tour but i could hear them, so i decided to try to follow them, they couldn't be far.

Lucky as i was, after few turns i didn't hear them anymore, and slowly started to panic so turned back and tried to remember where i passed, but this freaking castle was a labyrinth. I found myself stepping in some weird hallway, it was very dark and spooky, suddenly i heard screams in the distance. My heart rate started to speed and panic started to increase, and i started to back away not looking back. I hit something with my back, i thought it was a wall so i turned back and screamed. I hit a large, scary men who had a creepy smile on his face, he was drest in black cape. I was so scared that i almost passed out it didn't help that i couldn't stand touching someone and he was a man, very big man. " Sor-rry sir-r, i g-got lost" i barely said that, backing away from him. " oh, little girl, this will be fun" he started to approach me " you smell delicious, they will be pleased" he moved his hand to grab me so i ran towards big door " No, don't touch me". i opened the door and freezed, i could see three women ahead of me, i didn't see their eyes because i someone grab me from behind so i started to scream at top of my lungs " NO, PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME" i tried to get away from his touch but he was too strong. My heart felt like it would explode from all the panic i felt, my eyesight started to blur and i started to breathe heavily trough tears " DON'T TOUCH ME"

I lifted my head i looked at women, locked my eyes with them, they were breathtaking, like angels.. my breathing got worst, i knew that i would pass out, he was to close to me so i used my last breath to scream " DON'T.." before darkness took me.


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own characters

This fic contains mentions of rape, PTSD and abuse

Please leave a comment, and if you have any question or suggestion PM me

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 _" Bella come down here, right now!" i heard him yell, i hoped that he wouldn't hear me come in, I was with my friends outside. I knew he had a game, so by the sound of it, he lost it... My heart beat speeded up, knowing what will happen, if i didn't come to him, it would be much worst. Rene wasn't home, she had some gallery opening, so it was only him and me. I slowly went down hoping he would just let me go, but that wasn't the case._

 _He looked so angry, like i had something to do with him losing, " Yes?" i said quietly._

 _He approached me and grabbed me by my hair and started to pull, i tried to get out of his hands but he was to strong. "Please, let me go!"._

 _He just laughed and than he slapped me on my cheek, i fell on my back and hit my head on the floor. Knowing i will have another scar on my back i screamed "NOO, PLEASE!"_

I woke up breathing heavily, saying "no,no,no" , I could feel my panic starting to rise. It didn't help that i was in unknown room, whnich was a size of little flat. Room looked like it came out of design magazine and I was in laying in king sized bed, which was the most comfortable bed i ever laid in. In quick motion i pulled sheet off of me, i had my clothes on, i don't know what would i do if that wasn't the case. My mind couldn't remember where i was and how i got there. Nothing made sense to me, only thing i knew is that i have to get out of there. I went to survival mode, couldn't think about anything else, so i got up and quickly approached big door that i assumed it wasn't for bathroom. But before i could reach the door, i saw the doorknob move.

I froze, my heart was racing so hard and fear creeped through my body. Slowly i started to back away but there was nowhere i could go, nowhere i could hide, i was truly undefensive.

Door opened and there was standing, short but beautiful girl with blond hair, i would say my age, that was watching me with red eyes. It seemed like she didn't want to be there, like she was bored. I could decide what to think of her, to be afraid or not. My instinct told me to back away so i did that. She watched me with curious eyes, like i started to amuse her.

"Good morning, i see that you are up" she said, with cold voice and heavy Italian accent and started to approach me.

" Where am i, how did i get here, don't come closer" you could hear panic in my voice, i wanted to run so i started to look at the door behind her. She saw that i was afraid so she stopped, and lifted her arms to show me that she wasn't a treat, to bad i didn't believe her.

I could see that she was trying to decide what to say, not wanting to scare me any further " I didn't mean to scare you, my name is Jane, i serve Mistresses of this castle. What is your name?" she said. Although she said she didn't mean to scare me, it didn't put me at ease, it only confused me more.

" Mistresses?" i couldn't stop myself from asking, something about hearing that word intrigued me but i didn't let that stop me from my mission, get out of here. " Can i go, please, i need to go" i almost begged her, i didn't try to get over her because there was a feeling that was telling me that i wouldn't be a great idea, like she was stronger than me, even though she was smaller than me.

She just smiled at me, like she knew something i didn't, and i didn't like that. " My Mistresses asked me to accompany you to the breakfast and may i know your name".

I really didn't want to do that, i just wanted to get out so i said " Thank you, but i just really want to go" as i was saying that i started to feel my pocket in my jeans, knowing i left there my phone, but i couldn't feel anything. That wasn't a good sing but i didn't want to jump at any conclusions so i asked " Where is my phone?". You could hear panic in my voice, it was barely there, but you could hear it.

"My Mistresses will give it back to you at breakfast" she said like it was a normal thing to take someones phone. I could see that she was waiting what will i do or say but i stayed silenced. It was like i had no choice but to go to that breakfast, and heaving no choice reminded me of Phil, so my heart started to race and my breathing started to be heavy. I looked at her again, and i could see panic in her eyes, like she could hear my heart, like she did something she shouldn't.

" You can refresh yourself in there" she pointed to another door " i will wait for you, here" she said in tone that left no room for discussion. I stood there for a few minutes, not knowing what to do, should i try to escape or just do what she says and try to get home as soon sa possible. I could feel my panic start to pass, which didn't happen very often, i expected to have full panic attack.

Deciding to do as she says, i went to the bathroom to do everything i needed to. It took me almost 20min to be done with everything, i came out hoping that she left, but she stood there in the same spot as i left her. Well that was weird. " Can i go home after breakfast?" i asked hopeful.

She just smiled at me, and started to leave,showing me to follow her. In the hallway were only three doors beside mine, they were beautifully done, like an art piece. She walked in front of me, going through the hallways in which you could easily get lost. I started to get nervous by the second that passed, but it didn't trigger my panic or fear,it was like i somehow knew that something big will happen.

She suddenly stopped " we are here" and showed me the door " you can go in, i will be here", she had smile on her face now, for the first time a real smile.

Wanting to get this over with, i was so tired of being someone elses thing to play, and tired of not having control over my life, i opened the door. What i saw on the other side took my breath away...


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Twilight

Please leave comment, tell me what you think

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I entered this enormous dining room, there could fit at least 50 people, it was room that you see on movies. There stood three most beautiful women i have ever seen, they looked like models from magazine. The left one was blonde, she had a black suit on her and red lipstick, the one on the right was brunette in red dress that reached above her knee and women in the middle wore black dress that shoved her goddess body. Just looking at them my heartbeat rise, not in fear which is not usual for me, but in excitement, i looked them in the eye and felt like arrow went through my heart and my breath stopped. Their eyes were red, beautiful shade of red, almost brown, that should have terrified me but it didn't, it was strange, but what did i know.

They were smiling, no they had grins on their face, like they knew what my body was doing.

I stood there and watched them, and they watched me. I didn't know what to say, i think if i tried to tell something it would be a nonsense because my mind seemed to stop working, and a feeling started to appear within me, feeling of safety which i didn't feel in years and that didn't make sense to me. It scared me. So i just stood there, waiting for them to say something. I didn't need to wait long.

" I hope that you slept well" said woman in the middle " my name is Sulpicia" then pointed to her left " this is Didyme" then to her right " and this is Athenodora", smile never left her face.

I didn't do anything, in spite of my curiosity about this women I wanted to go home, just leave. But something was telling me that that wouldn't happen that easy.

They waited for me to say something, i could see their smile start to fall. "What is your name,little one?" asked Didyme gently. I saw curiosity and something else, which i couldn't name,in their eyes as they waited again.

I signed, took deep breath and said " Please, can i just go.." i stopped myself when i saw hurt in their eyes, it bothered me deeply, which started feeling of frustration in me, why do i even care, i only knew them for about five minutes. " I won't bother you, i just need to take my phone and then you'll never see me again" it hurt to say that last thing.

As they heard that, they looked like i just said most horrible thing on Earth. Sulpicia started to approach me,so i stepped back, even if i didn't want to my instinct was to back away if someone started to approach me. She stopped when Athenodora put an arm on her shoulder and said something i didn't hear.

" You are our guest little one, please stay, enjoy breakfast, we will talk then" said Didyme with soft voice like she didn't want to scare me.

" Thank you but i just want to go home" as i said that my stomach started to crumble as traitor, I didn't eat for a long time realizing just now how hungry i really was. They smiled at me, and pointed at table, it was full of food, it looked like table in Harry Potter movie, I didn't notice it before. Inner battle was lead in me, and when one side won i said " I will eat, but then i must go and can i get my phone back".

"Marvelous, please sit" said Athenodora, and as she approached me, i thought that she won't touch me, but she wanted to lead me to the table, and went to put her arm on my back. As she did that i jumped away, and pleadingly said " Please don't do that" with terriffied look on my face.

She looked very hurt and angry but not angry at me, somehow i knew that, it was like she knew something was wrong. I looked at Sulpicia and Didyme, they had very worried face on them.

" It's ok, little one, i won't, but please sit, eat" said Athenodora with sad voice. It was so weird, it was like it was their mission in life to get me to eat, it seemed like the most important thing to them at the moment and that didn't make a sense to me at all.

I sat at the table and looked at the food, it looked like food from fancy restaurant, it could easily feed 10 people. Hanger took over, so i let my guard down and started to put pancakes on my plate and started to eat them at rapid pace. When i felt my belly was full i remembered to look up, i saw them sitting across me with amused looks on their face. They didn't ear, they just watched me which was very weird.

When i finished i started to get up" Can i get my phone..".

" Please little one sit, we need to talk" Sulpicia said, but i didn't know what they possibly wanted to talk about, but she continued " First thing is that we wanted to say sorry for what happened yesterday, it will never happen again, we promise that. We didn't know that you will react like that, and for that we are sorry."

I looked at her, i saw that she had many more questions about that, but she didn't ask. I just nodded my head at her, wanting to hear what else she got to say so i could leave, i needed to leave because this women made me feel so safe and normal that i won't want to leave soon.

She looked me so pleadingly " Little one can you tell us your name and i promise you we will return your phone then", i realised that she gave me somewhat ultimatum, but i found myself not to care, i thought about telling them my name and decided to tell them.

"My name is Bella", they looked so happy, i could see them saying my name quietly like a prayer, they continued to confuse me, why did they acted like this.

" Bella" said Athenodora with heavy Italian accent, which made it sound sensual, which then made me blush " can you tell us if you are staying here in Volterra" she asked hopeful.

My mouth was faster than my brain so i said " Why do you care, why don't let me just leave?" with frustration. Even though my heart was telling me not to leave, for some unknown reason, my brain was telling me to leave as soon as possible.

They looked themselves, it was like they discussed what to do, but i didn't hear anything. Sulpicia then looked at me and said " Bella, we would like to get to know you better, to spend more time with you and we won't take no for an answer" I wanted to say yes, but i stopped myself.

" Yes, i'm staying here" i said wanting to get them to let me go, i wouldn't see them again, they just needed to think that i would. Even if the thought of not seeing them hurt. " we can see eachother again, but i need to leave now" as soon as i said that they faces litted up like i told them the greatest news in the world.

Sulpicia then pulled my phone from her pocket and gave it to me, i was careful not to touch her hand as i took it. I put my phone in my pocket and got up, i could see on their faces that they didn't want to let me go, they still smiled " we will see eachother soon Bella we promise you that _Cara_ , Jane here will show you out and drive you home " . "But.." i started to say " No buts Bella" Sulpicia said with firm tone that left no room to discussion. So i just sad "Ok" thinking that i will later solve problem of them knowing where i live.

I reached the door quickly, but made mistake which was looking at them again, they made my heart beat faster, but in the good way, in excitement, they really were like goddesses, so magnificent, man could spent hours just looking at them, and with that thought i exited the room.

I started to feel strange, like i was missing something, like i left part of myself there.

But i shook my head, trying to get rid of this silly thoughts, telling myself to get my mind straight that i was just making that up.

When i got home, I went straight to bed and fell asleep instantly, not letting my mind wonder about three angels that i met today.

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AN: The proces of them getting to know eachother will take time, it will be slow.

As to why did they let her leave or didn't ask her why did she react like that or didn't want to be touched is that they assume that something is wrong and feel like they shouldn't pressure her, they just want her to be ok and happy( with them) but know that she is human and that means taking things slow.


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Twilight

A big thank you to my beta ValkuVauseQueen for helping me.

Please leave a comment or suggestion

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I woke up when sun hit my face, i rubbed my sleepy eyes and slowly stretched myself thinking that i couldn't remember when i slept so good. I didn't have a nightmare, no, I dreamed about three angels i met yesterday, i was seeing their eyes, their beautifully strange red eyes, their eyes brought me so much peace and feeling of security. In my dream they were talking to me but i couldn't remember what, and when i woke up in the middle of the night i didn't have panic attack, i had smile on my face which was rare. I forgot how to smile or be happy, i really missed those days.

Why did they affect me so much, i mean they were the most beautiful women that i ever seen, but there was something more that i couldn't figure out. It was like i was drawn to them, like i had something magical pulling me and my thoughts to them. But i didn't want to be pulled to them my head said no, get away from all of that, i didn't want to be vulnerable again, only to be broken, even though something was telling me that they will never hurt me.

Well, I thought, i won't see them again, so i don't need to worry about that, i just need forget that that day ever happened. But then i remembered that Jane drove me home so they know where i live.

"Shit!" I yelled feeling frustrated because i was so tired of everything yesterday that i just wanted to go home and didn't think about that. But there is nothing i could do now about that and i was nobody to them so why would they want to contact me again or look for me. I mean they did seem oddly interested in me but my insecure mind was telling me that they only were extremely hospitable. Yes they were very hospitable, I decided.

Remembering that i started conversation with Emily other day I reached for my phone on the night stand. i opened my phone, it was strange it didn't show that i had any message from Emily, only my dad and Mario so i opened the app and saw that message from Emily were already opened, in that moment so much anger passed through me, how dared they read my messages and go trough my phone. That is the only explanation, they went through my phone. I didn't have anything important but still why would they do that. It must have been Sulpicia, Didyme or Athenodora and that didn't feel good to me, it was like i was more hurt because they did that. Almost like the feeling of betrayal, my heart clenched at that thought. If i saw them again i would give them piece of my mind, you can't just do that to stranger, it isn't right.

I went to see what Emily wrote to me, it said " Baby, please don't disappear again, please tell me where you are, talk to me.. I miss you. Call me please baby, i love you." My heart clenched, i missed her so much, i missed my best friend. We went through a lot together, i will always have a soft spot for her but i felt something change, like my heart put her in the different place now, making place for something else or someone else which didn't make sense to me.

Tears started to appear in my eyes, so i wiped them away deciding to call her, i couldn't do this any more, i needed to do baby steps to get better. So i pressed her number and waited for her to pick up, i knew that she went to sleep late so maybe she was up. I was hoping that she was, but also not.

After fifth ring she picked up, just before i decided to hang up " Bella is that you?" she asked winded, she wasn't near phone but reached it in time.

"Yeah, it's me Emily" i said emotionally, it was so good to hear her voice " I miss you" i said to her. It was the true, she was the person that i loved the most in my life, she mattered the most to me.

" Oh, baby i miss you too" i could hear that she started to cry and i felt bad, i didn't want her to be sad but i failed " Where are you Bella? What happened for you to disappear? Did i do something?"

" NO! No Emily you didn't do anything, please don't think that.." i didn't finish that sentence

" Then what happened Bella, please tell me!" she begged me, but she received only silence, i wanted to tell her, it wasn't that i didn't trust her, but i couldn't bring myself to say that, i was too ashamed. She knew and loved different Bella, i changed completely, become a shell of a person.

She waited but then asked " Ok Bella i won't pressure you, i just want to know that you are ok.. Where are you Bella, i want to see you."

I wanted to see her to, so much but i didn't say that, deciding to tell her where i was, it wasn't like she would come here " i'm in Italy, in small town Volterra"

"ITALY!? What! What are you doing there?" she asked upset, demanding answers that i couldn't give to her. I knew that it didn't make sense to her what i was doing here.

"Emily i need to go" i didn't want to upset her and i just did that, but i missed her " i will call you later, I promise" i said to her.

" Bella wait.. " she tried to say something else but i interrupted her " i will call you later, i love you " and then hang up. If only this was more easier. But life is a bitch.

I got up from my bed and went to the window, i could see clouds in the sky it looked like it would start raining very soon. When i woke up i was in a good mood but now i was like the sky inside, grey and depressed. "Great" i sighed i was really hoping for sun to cheer me up. I took my phone again and sent a message to Mario and Charlie that i was ok, i knew that they weren't worried, i have a tendency to not text or call for a longer period of time so they didn't even know that i was missing yesterday.

While i was in the shower my mind started to go back to my angels "Wait, what, where did that come from. My angels". Come on Bella get your mind off of that. You couldn't think about one woman two days ago and now you are thinking about three, what is the matter with you. But something was telling me that i wouldn't forget them soon.

After all the shit i went through i didn't think i could be interested in anyone, my trust issues would get in a way of that and there is also the fact that i can't stand some else's touch on my skin. It is not that i was interested in those three beautiful women, i was telling myself, but something made me think about that, about them and i was sad because i was robbed of my normal life.

Thinking about that made my heart beat faster and i could feel panic slowly making its way to my mind, and i didn't want that, my time in Italy helped me, in small steps, but it helped me, i didn't get as many panic attacks. Somehow i felt safer here, something i didn't feel for a long time and i missed it. I didn't question why it appeared, i was to happy to feel it even in small pieces.

Wanting to stop the panic i went to the kitchen to make something to eat, i opened the fridge "What should I..." my sentence was stopped by a door bell. It startled so much i jumped, i didn't expect anyone, i didn't know anyone here who would come here. But then i remembered that maybe someone could be looking for Mario, this is his house. I tried to calm my heart beat as i slowly approached the door. Nothing will happen, i told myself.

I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door, not all the way i wanted to be able to close it quickly if i needed. On the porch stood tall brunette that looked like she left magazine photoshoot with stunning smile on her face. She was looking at me i could tell that although she had sunglasses on her. She had pale skin, like chinaware, that was weird, i thought that Italians were all tanned. Now that i think, my three angels were also pretty pale. Not my three angels Bella, not my, i told myself.

"Yes?" i asked uncertain, not knowing what would she need here "If you are looking for Mario he isn't here" i told her wanting to get this over with, i didn't feel comfortable with a stranger so close to me.

"No, I'm looking for you Bella" she said, how did she know my name, i wanted to close the door and go to the safety but she continued "My name is Heidi, my Mistresses sent me for you, they want you to join them for breakfast." she finished with grin on her face. That grin irritated me so much, Jane did the same thing, it was like they knew something that i couldn't figure it out. And why do they keep calling them Mistresses! How were that women that they could send other people to collect someone and bring them to them.

"Thank you, but no" even if i didn't want to be rude it came out that way. I was still angry about going through my phone and there is no chance that i would go anywhere with a stranger. My panic wouldn't let me do that, but then i thought about feeling safe with Sulpicia, Didyme and Athenodora. No i still didn't know this Heidi, even if my instinct was telling me to go to see those three women that i dreamed of.

"Bella, they insist that you join them" she said with firm tone, that came out like they demand that i join them. That got me so angry, on what right can they demand that i come to them. It didn't help that Heidi now had a scary face on, like she must bring me to them, she can't fail.

"Tell them that i can't go, I'm sorry if that gets you in trouble, but i can't go." more like won't but she doesn't need to know that. As i said that Heidi looked worried, but there is nothing i could do to fix that. So i said bye and closed the door as Heidi tried to tell me something.

I felt irritated that they sent someone to get me, but it didn't feel like invitation, no, it was like they demanded that i join them. I didn't feel hungry anymore after this, so i went to the living room and started to watch tv. It didn't last long as another bell went on. As i was feeling somewhat still angry i quickly pull the door.

" What.." i started to say with unpleasant tone, but stopped when i saw who was on the porch. My heart started to do what felt like a dance, i wasn't tired or scared like yesterday so it was a different feeling, more intense.

Three angels stood there, with smiles that took my breath away...


	7. Chapter 7

AN: English is not my first language

I don't own anything

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I stood there with my mouth slightly open, listening how my heart started to beat faster because these women. I didn't know what to say to them, I was lost in their eyes. It was like they were looking my soul, I felt so exposed, I wasn't used to that feeling, I felt uncomfortable but not scared. And that is what scares me the most, I don't know them, but they don't repulse me. I needed to get away from them, I just want peace but at the same time i just wanted to be near them. I was officially going crazy.

As i looked them, i noticed again their red eyes, never in my life did i hear that someone has red eyes, yet these women did, same as Heidi. But Heidis eyes did not have the same effect as theirs, i could look at them for hours. Why do they have red eyes and why are they on my doorstep. I didn't do anything to them, not that i know so why are they looking for me. Heidi said that they want to have breakfast but why with me, i was nothing special, everybody wants something in secret, everybody has some hidden motive.

So i just stood there lost in my thoughts, when Sulpicia made a small step towards me with grin on her face. Even if that action didn't provoke sense of fear in me as it would if that did any other person, i took a step back. Doing that for a long time did that to me, it become a reflex. With a step back i pulled the door closer to me, leaving a small gap open. That action wiped out the smile from their faces. Their eyes filed with different emotion that i couldn't recognize, but it looked like sadness.

"Bella" said Didyme after long silence, it sounded like whispered prayer, for what at that time i didn't know. Although they brought me different emotions that weren't bad at all, i didn't want that, I wanted peace and to get better.

" Why are you here?" i asked with cold voice, trying to sound sure, but i knew that it didn't sound like that. I needed to get my guard up.

" We came to take you to the breakfast, as Heidi told you before you sent her away" said Athenodora, i could hear in her voice that she didn't like that i sent Heidi away, she was annoyed that she needed to come all this way, but i knew that she wasn't annoyed with me.

"why?" i asked before i could think, i really wanted to know why are they here, what could they possibly want with me.

" We enjoy your company and we want to get to know you better" said Sulpicia but it sounded so diplomatic that i knew that there was more to it. I don't think she lied, she wants to know me more but there is something more to that.

" That doesn't answer my question, sorry that i bothered you yesterday it wasn't my attention, i got lost in your castle and i'm sorry for that. And also im thankful for you hospitality but.." i stopped there i wanted to tell them that i don't want anything more with them, but i couldn't force myself to say that, they looked so sad when they heard what i was saying, assuming they knew what was coming next. So i stopped, i wanted to erase everything that wasn't happiness from their eyes, their beautiful red eyes.

" Bella, we just wanted to spend some time with you." said Didyme with smooth tone, like she wanted to assure me that that was the case.

I sighed as i heard that, my guts telling me that that wasn't all they wanted. So i just stood there, not knowing what to say next, because if i asked them why one more time and not receive the answer the real answer i would go mad and i didn't want that. i want peaceful day.

" We see that this will not go as planned" said Sulpicia with disappointed voice, which made no sense to me " can we at least enter and spend a little time with you" now that sounded little more like a request. Athenodora had determined face, like she would enter eve if i told them no.

I sighed not knowing what to do, should i let them enter or not. What do i have to lose if i let them pass, but i could feel my anxiety starting to appear at the thought of strangers near me, at my home. Somehow i knew that they would not hurt me, at least not intentionally.

They watched me curiously while i was having inner struggle, and it also seemed like they were having difficult time accepting that they could be rejected.

" Ok you can come in if you want" i said to them, i mean they know where i live its not like i could run or hide, also i didn't want to do that to them " i don't see a why you would want that but ok, you can enter". I didn't look at them, i left the door opened, turned around and went inside. I heard the footsteps behind me so i knew that they were here.

I went to the living room and sat down on the couch, they have done the same only Sulpicia was too close to me so i moved a little, even though a part of me didn't want to do that. They looked to like they were waiting for me to say something, afraid that if they do something wrong i would kick them out.

"Soo.." i started to say but i stopped because i didn't know what to say to them, i really didn't.

"Bella" said Didyme " i know this must be really weird to you, but we really just want to get to know you and be there for you, for whatever do you need."

" Yeah you said that already, but i don't get why you don't even know me, strangers don't do that for you not expecting anything in return. So what do you want from me? " i said upset and my voice have gotten louder at the end. Didyme started to speak but i stopped her " No, i know that there is something else not just getting to know me.." i that moment i decided to give them a chance, maybe they would help me, i promised to myself that i would try to get better ".. but if you won't tell me now, maybe you will tell me later".

When they heard word later their faces lit up, so they were watching me with smiles on their faces when Athenodora asked me if i have eaten already. When i said no they offered to make me something, which i have not expected. " No, thanks i am not that hungry, i will eat later. Do you want something to drink?" i asked them.

"No Bella, but thank you for offering" said Didyme " we wanted to get to know, well all of you, but for starters tell us something about yourself."

" Well my name is Bella Swan, Im 19... i come from America as you can hear, i finished high school but then " i took deep breath to calm down sensing that anxiety was starting to appear, i started to nervously play with my fingers to calm down " well lets just say life got in the way".

They were looking me with so much sadness in their eyes as well as a lot of curiosity, i can see that they noticed my behavior, that something was affecting me, then Sulpicia asked in a whisper like she didn't want to scare me " Why did you come to Italy ?"

To escape, i thought, but i didn't said that. I didn't know what to say at all, i started to feel tears in my eyes. They looked me so desperate not knowing what to do with me, as tear started to fall Athenodora started to approach me, slowly she put hand around me and tried to pull me in a hug.

But i couldn't bear the thought of being in a hug, of someone touching me, even if her touch didn't feel repulsing at all, so i started to go in a panic mode, my body started to slowly shake, my mind started to go crazy, so many thoughts were flowing through my mind that i couldn't pinpoint any thought. My breathing started to feel heavy, my lungs felt like they couldn't get any air. In that state i could just repeat phrase that i said many time " Don't touch me, please... please don't touch me..." i sobbed trying to get free.

But she didn't let me go, she kept holding me as i tried to get free. She brought me closer to her, putting her hand around my waist and lifting me in her lap. She was whispering something in Italian that i didn't understand but it started to work on me after 20 minutes of me trying to get free and repeating the phrase. I was crying and shaking in her arms, but she held me through it. After a while i realized that Sulplicia and Didyeme also were saying something in Italian.

Athenodora started to move her arm on my back in circular matter that helped calm me down. I didn't believe that i let someone hold me when i had an attack, so why did i let her, i mean i did try to get free but after a while i stopped struggling.

" I…" I started to speak "I came here to heal" why did I say that why, and why to them.. At that point I was looking at the floor, but then I felt smooth, cold fingers at my chin.

Normally I would flinch and started to run but her touch, no their touch was calming me down. I didn't want to run. They were gazing into my eyes, with softness I have never seen, it looked like they were on the edge of crying, but no tear fell.

" We want to help you, Bella" Sulpicia started to say " you don't have to tell us what happened that put you in this state, but we want to help you heal. Now I know that you do not know us, but we will never hurt you." Her words held so much promise, I believed them. I truly believed them.

" I you let us we will be here for you, no matter what you need, or when you need it." Didyeme said.

I was looking into their eyes for gods know how long, my brain didn't know what to think. I wanted to scream, run, hide but also I wanted to stay, with them, they offered me safety, so I said what first came to my mind " Why do you have red eyes?" them I blushed, I didn't want to say that, I wanted to say yes to them and finally stop running.

They looked me in surprise, not expecting that question now, it looked like they were talking but I didn't hear anything.

" Well, Bella, that's rather complicated question, but you will get answer soon enough, let just say it's a special condition" she and other two smile like it was I good joke, but I don't get it " but its nothing to worry yourself Bella" she assured me.

Then I realized that Athenodora didn't stop touching me, she was running her hands in smooth motion that calmed me down. My body didn't react t them like they were a threat, like with everybody else, and because that I said " Ok, we can hang…." Not sure what to say " I mean if you want to"

They looked at me like I gave them the best gift in the world. And than I realized maybe there is hope for me. Maybe they were my hope. So for the first time in the long time I smiled.

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If you have any suggestions or questions, please PM me


	8. Chapter 8

English is not my first language, so there will be spelling and grammar mistakes ( If anyone wants to be my beta PM me)

I'm going to try to write longer chapters, and if somebody has some ideas pm, please, i'm stuck

i don't own anything

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We were sitting there in silence for quite some time, I was watching them, observing, how they seemed to communicate without speaking, just little movements of the body, they must have known each other for a long time.

"How long do you know each other?" I asked curiously, they exchanged looks and then Didyme spoke " We go way back" with a smirk on her face " lets just say for a very long time."

" If you are interested some day we will tell you story of how we met" said Athenodora, I just nodded with small smile on my face. For some reason I wanted to know everything about them, but I controlled myself, they will tell me eventually.

Just as I wanted to ask another question my phone buzzed, I reached to pick it and see what was happening. I saw that Mario messaged me, it said " Bella, I won't be home for several more weeks, I didn't plan that and I'm sorry for it. I will make It up to you" I read the message several times, I didn't know how to feel about it, I don't mind being alone but on the other hand I didn't want to be all alone in this new town.

My pulse accelerated, when a hand touched my, I automatically winced and pulled back my hand. Looking up I saw Sulpicia moving her hand back, with sad expression on her face because my rejection. Men, why did that bother me so much, I don't know them.

" What happened Bella?" asked Didyme, I didn't know what to tell them " I doesn't matter" I said, what was I supposed to tell them, I want to be alone but at the same time I don't, I don't even understand myself.

" Bella" Sulpicia said with such determination, like a queen, not liking receiving no as the answer, she was looking at me with such serious face that I didn't know what to do, why were they so interested in my life, as I was thinking that I remembered something. " I said I doesn't matter, you don't have the right to know, or demand to know what is happening. As a matter of fact, why did you go through my phone, I saw that message was read, what gave you the right.?!" I said with anger and frustration.

They lowered their heads, not expecting that question, as I was looking at them it seemed to me that they are talking to each other, but I didn't hear anything. "What gave you the right to go through my phone!?" now I was yelling, that feeling of them not trusting me made me so mad. I don't know why, but I did.

" Bella, we didn't mean anything bad, we were just trying to help" said Sulpicia, she looked me in the eyes, trying to show me that she was sorry, but not for reading my messages but because I was mad and for same reason they didn't want that. " You were passed out, and we wanted to know who you are" she continued, but that didn't seemed to me as full truth.

" So why did you need to read my message, that doesn't make sense, people who don't know each other don't do that….. or what you saw that Emily sent me message and decided to read it… that was private…" I was so sad, like they betrayed me.. and Emily was someone special to me they didn't have right to read that.

As I said Emilys name Athenodora stood up, looking distressed, Didyme started to reach for her, to hold her hand, but Athenodora just brushed it off taking deep breaths. Than she looked at me, and I couldn't read her expression, was she mad, sad, distressed … I didn't know, only that I wanted to remove that look from her face, angels didn't deserve feel that emotion.

" Who is Emily to you, Bella?" she asked me very quiet, like she was afraid of the answer. What should I say to her, who is she to me. Do I say she was mine once upon a time, or do I say that she is my friend, yeah that would be the best… but I didn't say that.

" She is someone special to me…" as I said that, they looked like I just took Sun from the sky, like I erased stars from the night sky, so I just waited for them to say something. And I didn't need to wait long, Athenodora shouted I'm assuming curse word in Italian. I winced at that and leaned back, why would she be angry, I don't get it.

" What do you mean by that, Bella" asked Sulpicia as if she was terrified what my answer would be " and Athenodora sit down, now!" and that sounded as a command, what power she had over them I wondered as Athenodora sat down.

" Once she was mine…. But now she is my best friend, my rock…" I whispered, afraid of their reaction. I was confused, they looked relieved and upset at the same time. " We are sorry that we upset you" Sulpicia said with smile, why was she smiling is a mystery to me.

Actually It was getting to my nerves, their reactions I was feeling so lost. I don't get them, not at all, why are they having this kind of reactions to all I say, why are they interested in all I do, or what is happening in my life… why? But I didn't asked them that, I was tired, I wasn't used to having this long interaction between people for a long time.

" Guys… I'm really tired…." I said hoping that they would take a hint, which they did. " Okey, _Cara_ , will let you rest, but are you willing to let us invite you to lunch with us tomorrow?" Didyme asked so hopeful " this is our number" as she handed me I note " if you need anything, and I mean anything please don't hesitate to call us" she pleaded.

I just nodded, had I said no, they wouldn't give up so easily. As I was walling them out, Sulpicia turned to me, and I thought that she was going to hug me, but she didn't, and I was grateful and sad at the same time because of that, " We will pick you up at 2p.m. , and I hope we will get to know you better tomorrow, we have a lot of questions for you _Cara_ ". Didyme and Athenodora just smiled at me and headed out.

I closed the door and took deep breath, I didn't let my mind wonder I just headed to my bed not minding that it was still day, closed my eyes and drifted to my nightmares.

I slept for a very long time, it wasn't a pleasant sleep, it was full of nightmares, but they didn't wake me, no I was just tossing and turning in my bed all day and night. When I woke up, all I could think was todays lunch and how when I'm with my angels I didn't think about him. They were very special, very weird and I intend to find out what was the deal here. But most of all I realized that I wanted to spend time with them.

Throughout the morning they occupied my thoughts, so much I didn't even realized how the time of lunch was so close. I went to my room and as I was getting ready I heard knock on the door, I looked at the clock, 2p.m. so I went to open the door expecting to see Sulpicia, Athenodora and Didyeme but there was only Heidi standing on the porch. She was smiling at me, but I was disappointed, I didn't expect her, I sent her small nod. " Hello Bella, I was sent to pick you for your lunch with my mistresses" she said " I hope that you will come with me, this time" she winked at me.

" Yeah, sorry about that, and if you had problems because of that I apologize" I said as I lowered my head. I didn't want her to be in trouble because of me. " Don't worry Bella, there was no problem at all" she said with sincere voice.

" I'm glad, so where are we going?" I asked her as we were headed to her car. " Well, it's beautiful day, so they wanted to enjoy that with you and castle has an amazing garden, you will lunch there if that is not a problem" oh I thought, I didn't have a very nice memory of that place but I was willing to give it a second chance.

As we rode to the castle I decided to be more open with them, maybe lower my walls a little bit, maybe they won't hurt me, I hoped.


End file.
